"Love Everything, Cling to Nothing"

     I believe this saying is attributed to St. Francis of Assisi. To tell the truth, I can't find it on a Google search, but it's still connected in my mind to St. Francis, who is my favorite saint--not because he loved animals, which seems to be the only thing most people know about him--but because he radically loved Jesus. Whether the phrase "Love everything, cling to nothing" is real or not, or whether St. Francis said it or not, it was still the way he lived. It's also an example I've been trying to follow for years now.

     We have a tendency as human beings to cling to things. All of us have some precious item that we couldn't imagine giving up, or perhaps it's a lifestyle, or a dream, or a project. Maybe we wouldn't let go of that thing--or several things--even if God told us to. At least, we feel that way. A good example of this for me is my stories. The idea of losing my stories is unspeakably awful to me, almost worse than anything else I could imagine. I'm extremely protective of them. I cling to them in fear lest all record of them is somehow deleted from my computer and the cloud and the external hard drives and USB ports where they're saved.

    There are other things I cling to as well: old toys, drawings I've made over the years, nostalgic trinkets, favorite books--Heaven forbid I lose my exact copy of Urchin and the Heartstone, with its special scent of Brother Flame's herbs! You could say that I horde nostalgia.

I can't let you go, Mokona Modoki!

     However, there's another part of me that just wants to give up everything, possessing only two sets of clothes and a Bible, like Braeton in one of the stories I'm writing. Or if not that, couldn't I at least have only one, little suitcase of possessions like Kobato?

"All I need is Ioryogi, my umbrella, and this tiny suitcase that probably only contains clothes!"

     I imagine monks living in mostly-empty rooms that are completely free of clutter, and wanderers traveling with only a wooden flute to keep them company. I dreamed that going to Zambia would make me more like these ideals, but when I started packing, I found that I not only had a lot of things that I wanted to bring, but also things I needed to bring. Shampoo, a towel, a blanket, clothes, books, notebooks, my computer...And the list just keeps growing. Besides, I just have to take Mokona and Urchin and the Heartstone and my Kobato DVDs...

How, then, do I escape an obligation to things? 

     I believe the answer lies in loving everything, but clinging to nothing. The Bible says in James 1:17, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." We're meant to be thankful for the good gifts God has given us, but we also need to place Him first, rather than things. When I leave for Zambia, I'll take what is practical, and I'll even take a few special things too, being thankful to God that I have them. However, if something won't fit in my suitcase, I can leave it behind without regret. If something breaks, or I lose it--no matter what it is--I can let it go, trusting that God is more valuable than any possession.

      But what about people? Does this apply to people too? Can we also say, "Love everyone, cling to no one"? I believe we can. I experience something of the same conflict with people as I do with things. I have many people who I love and cling to, and even "nostalgia" people who remind me of my childhood. When I go to Zambia, I know I'll miss them. Part of me wants to be in touch with them all the time, but like with things, another part of me wants to leave my American friends in America, and my Internet friends on the Internet, and focus completely on the people who will be in front of me in Zambia. I don't want the distraction of constantly throwing ties back to where I came from--after all, didn't people in the past not even have phones or the Internet? When they moved away, they only sent the occasional letter back to the folks at home, and besides, I don't think I'll have the money for much Internet time...But even so, there will be people who miss me, and I know I'll miss them too. So what's the balance?

     Again, the answer lies in loving everything, but clinging to nothing. I love the people I'm leaving behind as well as the people I'll meet when I'm there. While I don't know yet what the balance will be between focusing on who's in front of me and keeping in touch, I know I can entrust these relationships to God too. I can trust that He'll show me the balance: it will become clear enough if I love without clinging. To entrust anything to God is to loosen your grasp on it and no longer hold to it so tightly that it drags you down.

     Only by trusting God with everything can I be a truly "free spirit"--like a wanderer who possesses nothing, but delights in everything he comes across.

Fai D. Flowright comes to mind...

      Anything we cling to in this world besides Jesus keeps us from being free, but at the same time, we're called to love people radically and to delight in God's good gifts. I believe such a balance is possible in my life if I trust in God, and that balance takes away anxiety and replaces it with joy.

Well, Hello Again

       It looks like the last time I actually made a blog post here was, well, in 2011. In it, I promised to post "occasionally at least". I think that's adorable, seeing as it's 2016 now.

      In any case, I've always been very cynical of blogging, for absolutely no reason, but now as I prepare to leave for an extended stay in Zambia, Africa, I find its necessity pressing upon me. I want one place where I can keep all my friends and family updated on how I'm doing.

      Well, that's the main purpose of this blog right now.

      If you don't know me, Hi. I'm Songmorning--also known as Songy or Sing-song, also known as Jessica "Jesmar" Mwamba, and in a few scattered places as Bridget Maxwell or Faith Candleflame. But all in all, I'm Songmorning. That's my identity on the Internet, and it has been ever since I started making online friends in dear old Dawnie's "Clans of the Amazon".

     I'm an extremely motivated person who's always bursting with joy, stories, and thoughts on philosophy, theology, literature, and psychology. I love people, but most of all I love Jesus. More than anything, I want everyone to see just how much value they have in being created in the image of God, and I want everyone to have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. I want to serve Jesus by spreading the Gospel to all the world--especially to Zambia, which is the country where I want to live. I have dreams, and I live to pursue those dreams and follow the purpose and meaning God has for my life. I see meaning and beauty everywhere, and--well, it's no wonder I'm so joyful.

     Still, if you read some of my stories, you'll find that I balance that joy out with a sober contemplation of human nature, of sin, of Hell, and of the horrible suffering of this fallen world. I'm not all daisies and butterflies. I find many horror stories to be profound, and nihilistic, absurdist art is a deep insight into human nature.

     But I would have to be that way for what I wish to do. I want to work with orphans in Zambia. I want to experience poverty first-hand and comfort the worst suffering of a motherless, dying child. To do something like that, I have to have an awareness of the dark realities of life.

    In the end, all I need is Christ, and all I have is Christ. No one was more aware of sin and suffering than Christ--yet at the same time, no one was more hopeful. I follow Him.

   So that's me in a nutshell. I hope to see you again! :)

Hallo

I just joined. I'm a Christian, and I really really love Jesus!

I'm not very good at keeping up with things on the Internet so I don't know how often I'll post, but I will post occassionally at least.

~Songmorning